A Woman In Motion Stays in Motion

I believe in the power of our intentions.

The way we spend our days is the way we spend our lives.

If we wait until the end of our divorce or until everything finally settles down to be intentional, to build our life, to experience the life that we want to provide for our children, we are spending years of our life in despair. We're not going to get these years back on the other end of our days!

I'm a psychologist and former divorce lawyer.  As a divorce lawyer, I discovered that it is challenging for anybody to win in a divorce. I wasn't able to help women in a way that was sustainable. Even if you win your divorce case and your settlement is exactly what you wanted, that's not necessarily going to help you confidently move into your future. What we need for that are our inner resources.

My specialty is helping women through divorce. I am passionate about helping them to seize the opportunity that divorce provides. I myself have been divorced and I have learned so much along the way. I continue to learn every day as I work with clients in my private psychology practice.

In this blog I will share with you the things that are most powerful in taking the trauma of divorce and using it as an opportunity to have the best life imaginable. I believe that as your heart heals you can capitalize on the life quake of divorce.

Reading this article is already an enormous first step that tells me that you are motivated to make this time in your life a fork in the road moment.  A person in motion stays in motion and every step you take is a step toward the future that you are building.

Are you concerned about going it alone and not knowing where to begin?

Do you wonder whether to take or not take action?

Do you lose sleep ruminating about whether you are settling for something less than your dream?

Let's take a deep breath.

These days, though challenging, remain precious.  Let's cherish them and use them the best we can.

Take a minute, set an intention for today. Make a post-it note of it. Make a reminder on your phone. Put it at the top of your schedule on your calendar. Tape it to your rear view mirror.  Make today count.  There is not a chance in hell that you will not learn something during this day. Learn about the power of intention.

When I went through divorce, I felt all of the hardest things: confusion, anger, sorrow, hopelessness. I was lonely, fearful, filled to the gills with tons of uncertainty. I was stuck like my feet were in cement. I lacked the trust in myself to know if I was doing the right thing at the right moment. And I was a divorce lawyer!!!!!!

We all will experience these emotions. We can all also empower ourselves to take this time and make it one with energetic potential.

 You can feel all of these difficult emotions and still delight in glimmers of optimism. You can take the anxiety and allow it to be excitement. Your anger can be fuel to energize your commitment to building a new life. When you gain clarity, you gain the sense that you are safe. When you feel safe, your mind opens to new ideas and possibilities. This is not just about positive psychology. This is about taking steps, action, steps to really use the energy, the trauma of divorce and make it something powerful and healthy on the other side for you.

What are the ingredients to create this alchemy?

We must take actions that create trust in ourselves.

In a difficult marriage, our own truth can complicate things and makes conflict more likely.  Standing still feels safe. This is thinking that was adaptive in our past. Thinking that helped us get through the days. There were days when we had to step back and in order to make it through some tough days, we quieted our inner voice, quieted our authentic thoughts, and keyed down our emotional energy.

Now that we are in rebuild mode suppressing of our thinking and feeling belongs in the past. We need to engage new ways of thinking and acting that go, not with our past experience, but that actually align with the future that we want.

Your most valuable resources, more than who gets the house, more than the 401k, the most valuable resources you have are your thoughts, your intuition, your emotional energy and your confidence.

You may feel that you don't have access to these resources right now. I'm telling you that you do.When we get overwhelmed our brain freezes. We see few options, if any. The other thing that happens when we're in a fight or flight response is we become rigid in our thinking. .

The energy of alchemy begins with connection to your authentic self. It takes courage. I know, and I think you know deep down inside, that you have the strength to draw out that part of you that may have stepped back so that you could survive in a difficult situation.

In minimizing our flight or fight response, our minds open and are able to visualize the life that we want to have. Our visualizations create energy to plan our life going forward, and  take action, one increment at a time. Celebrating every win, big ans small, along the way.

As you listen to your heart, that connection moves your thoughts from confusion to clarity. I am asking you to ask yourself to hear that which you know to be true.

That's your intuition, what you know to be true for you, your emotional energy and your confidence.

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