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The Luminous Edge of Autumn

Autumn teaches us the beauty of letting go. 
Before their is growth, there must be release. 
 

"I wish I knew the beauty of leaves falling. To whom are we beautiful as we go?"

Jeffers

Autumn is a time of transition and this makes the experience of autumn bittersweet for many.

During times of transition, self-compassion practices become even more important. This means treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we’d offer a dear friend during times of difficulty or change. 

 

Self-compassion has three core components:

self-kindness,

common humanity,

and mindfulness.

 

Self-Kindness

Self-kindness involves treating ourselves like a dear friend.

Common Humanity

Common humanity is the recognition that suffering is part of the shared human experience—something we all go through.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness asks to stay present with what we are experiencing. We stay with the calm, the pain, the joy, the fear, the...

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Heart-Focused Breathing Technique for Energy, Relaxation and Balance

 

Heart-Focused Breathing Technique

 

Physiological Coherence and Psychophysiological Coherence

When the heart, mind and emotions are in energetic alignment and cooperation we are experiencing physiological coherence. We can actually influence moving into this state of coherence by using our emotions. When we use our emotions to bring the heart, mind, and emotions into energetic alignment and cooperation the resulting state is called Psychophysiological Coherence.

One way to use our emotions to enter a state of psychophysiological coherence is to engage in a heart focused breathing technique.

The Heart-Focused Breathing Technique is easy to do and yet very powerful. Using this technique can help you to relax, feel more balanced or feel more energized.  Practicing heart focused breathing can elevate your energy and emotions. It can help you to feel more fully alive. It helps you to connect with your own heart and in so doing brings receptivity to connecting with...

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What did your soul tell you about who you would be?

I was seven years old, it was a lazy afternoon in June and I was walking around the mall with my grandfather and grandmother. I was visiting them in Hollywood, California from my home with my mother and step-father in Dallas, Pennsylvania. I was away from home and yet felt at home.

I felt more at home at my grandparent's 16th floor Hollywood condo than I did at the home where I lived in Pennsylvania. I was in second grade and yet felt like such an important person to my grandma and grandpa. They arranged and scheduled my visits.The visit would be too short for the three of us, and not long enough for my mother and step-father who were relieved to have me out of their home. When I arrived at the Miami Airport and saw them waiting for me I knew they had been truly waiting for me to appear since my last departure the year before. Time with me mattered to them and time with them was precious to me.

 

The qualities of feeling I mattered and feeling at home made it a safe place for...

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Darkness Makes Perception Possible

When I share that I am a psychologist, I sometimes receive looks comparable to the looks I receive when I declare that I live in Arizona and it is the middle of August. What registers is the heat.

"How are you always so upbeat?"

Always? None of us are always anything, and especially not always upbeat.

Being human means experiencing the full spectrum of experiences and emotions. It is wading in that variability and the return to center that is a sign of well-being.

I am asked how I clear the stories and angst that others share with me.

How do I protect myself from the rage, outrage, and heartbreak that others experience and share with me?

Could I possibly really feel the sun softly settling upon my shoulders as I walk to my car after a long day parsing through darkness?


 
First, it is not all darkness that is shared in my office.

My clients process love and learning.

They share miracles of reunion and of finding peace.

They capture trust for new love and sometimes overflow with...

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Draw a Circle Enclosing the Conditions They've Set for You to Be Loved

"Our Purpose is to love and be loved. It is not to prove to others that we are lovable." Megan Watterson

What conditions do others require you meet in order to feel loved?

Did these conditions become the conditions you require you meet in order to feel loved?

 

Do you need to look a certain way to be loved by others? To be loved by yourself?

Must you deny the number of years you have lived in this world?

Must you prove yourself young and innocent?

Is it more attractive to be naive than wise?

Do you need to feel certain emotions to be loved? Will they wrap their arms around the happy girl and ignore the resentful one?

What are the ugly moods? Can feeling them keep you from being loved? By yourself? By others?

What do your children, your job, your neighborhood tell others about how much you deserve love?

Must the landscape of your life be a garden, a field, an industry? 

 

Does your level of leisure tell others the love about which you are deserving? 

Can...

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Recalling The Abandoned Self

This article is about reclaiming

the fragments of energy,

the pieces of our souls, 

we have left, lost or abandoned.

 

 

Reclaiming Our Energy

Claiming or reclaiming our energy is a contrasting practice to clearing energy that often gets lost in the urgency to clear, cleanse and detox. This article is about recalling the parts of self we have left behind.  I believe reclaiming will be helpful for all to consider and beneficial for some of you to practice, as I will be doing.

 

Calling Back Your Energy: Is it Spiritual Hygiene or Soul Healing?

The practice of calling back your energy can be both, a daily spiritual hygiene practice and a meaningful soul healing practice.

 

There are different reasons why we leave our energy in places we have physically departed.

  • We deposit or leave energy in places where we want others to see us a certain way or accept us.
  • We leave our energy in places where we feel the need for a sense of control or recognition...
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Healing The Wound of Believing You Do Not Matter

Tracing unhealthy relationship patterns to their source.

Natalie, both palms raised toward the ceiling, pleaded for an answer to her question,

"Why do I always to get into relationships with people who don't care about the relationship as much as I do?"

Johnathon shared,

"I am the giver in every relationship."

Johnathon's feelings of hopelessness shone in his grey blue eyes.

 Both Natalie and Johnathon grew up with parents who did not make them a priority.

 

Natalie

As a child, Natalie's father regularly returned home from work after she was already in bed. Natalie's mother suffered from depression and rarely left her bedroom to greet Natalie when she arrived home from school.  The week-ends didn't change the family dynamic. Natalie's mother remained in bed and her father pursued his passion for collectible cars. He attended auctions and searched neighborhood garages for hard to find parts.

 

Johnathon

Johnathon was the oldest of four boys and was five years...

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Hypnotherapy: A Painless Path to Fearless Living

Hypnotherapy is a powerful and painless path for creating a life you are in love with living.

The Struggle to Creating Meaningful Change in Our Lives is Real

 

We need not struggle. We need to intentionally let go of what doesn't serve us and replace it with what does. That in turn enables us to give to the world.  In the deep state of relaxation that is hypnosis we program our own minds to do just that.

 

The cultural phenomenon of doing everything and nothing with our days.

 

We start with the best intentions for meaningful change.

We promise to cast aside old habits, deepen our purpose and integrate that purpose into our daily living.

We commit to having a greater impact. 

We deeply yearn for more out of this one beautiful life.

Yet, time and time again distractions and old habits stand in the way.

Over and over, our focus seems to dissolve into the air around us.

If you can relate to this pattern, know this, You are not alone.

 Our culture, our...

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Getting The Love & Connection You Crave

Love and connection are universal psychological needs.

The ability to express emotions surrounding these needs is one of the most important ingredients in healthy intimate relationships.

We must remind each other in the midst of our incredibly busy lives, as well as remind ourselves, that we need the visceral experience of really feeling love and connection. We want to feel it fill us.

Since the needs for love and connection are universal, it can be difficult to understand why asking for love and connection may be met with signs of bewilderment by your partner. Does your partner stop and ask you, even more, do you stop and ask yourself what you need, specifically, to actually feel loved and connected. The request for love and connection is a broad request for two complex and overarching needs.

 

 

Trina: 'Why do you go out to dinner with your brother and his girlfriend whenever I am out of town but never want to get together with them when I can come along as well?"

Tom:...

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Do Childhood Experiences Impact Adult Relationships?

Do adults who experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma as children experience challenges in relationships related to their histories? 

It is not uncommon in therapy to encounter individuals with childhood traumas that  continue to impact their important relationships.

Trauma in itself does not inevitably lead to anxious attachment or anxiety in relationships. It is possible for children to experience trauma and other hardships, but because their caregivers are adequately protective in response to the dangers, they develop secure or relatively secure attachment behaviors.

But what about situations where parents or caregivers are not adequately loving, protective, and nurturing?

Do adults who experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma as children and who developed protective behaviors as children to remain safe, experience challenges in adult relationships related to their histories? 

Research shows that adults with negative childhood experiences such as abuse or neglect are...

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