Who Put That Idea In Your Head?

I asked, "If your life could be and include anything at all that you wanted it to be and include, no obstacles in the way, what would that be like?

Madeleine responded to my question, "The last time I shared my dream life with Darron (Madeleine's former partner) said 'Who put that crazy idea in your head?" and I felt foolish for even thinking I could have the kind of life I pictured."

Wow. Words can be so powerful that they they obliterate our agency to dream. 

We went on to discuss how Madeleine's family also discounted her ideas and intelligence.  A woman who worked with her hands making jewelry in a family of nurses and doctors, Madeleine felt she wasn't the thoughtful or brainy type. 

Madeleine accepted her family and Darron's opinions of her as truth. As she realized that what she had accepted turned out to be false, she realized it would take time and mindfulness to undue the automatic thinking that aligned with their unfounded opinions.

Has anybody ever responded to something you have shared with, "Who put that idea in your head?"

If so, how did the question make you feel? 

When I decided to go to law school my parent's asked me that question, in so many words. As if the person I was would not have had such a thought, such a goal, such promise. While I went on to prove that my idea was generated from my own motivation for social justice, the seed that someone like me should not have such lofty thoughts remained in my thoughts.

I hesitated to share my opinions in situations and over researched and studied to prove to myself that I could have a voice that was worth listening to.

When it came to unpopular opinions, I did not share those with my family.

In my family, when I was growing up, I was taught that you thought my father and stepmother's way or my mother and step-father's way or you weren't all that smart, didn't get it, were less than. Ironically, the two sets of parents thought poorly of each other and each other's ideas and lifestyle which left me with two outside ways of being and a lonely inside.  I followed their every lead but lost myself.  That was then.

The patterns followed me into my first marriage as they had for Madeleine. 

The thing about thought patterns is that they can be broken.

The thing about identity is that it is always evolving as we evolve, learn, and grow.

Start with your values.

Do you believe that all human's have inherent worth?

How does it feel to apply that value to yourself?

Ask yourself, "What have I always accepted as true about myself without knowing for a fact that it is a part of my true authentic self?"

What is an unpopular opinion of yours that you hesitate to share with others?

Practice sharing it. Start with the people who you believe love you unconditionally. Than challenge yourself to move on to share with others who may or may not wish to know you when they learn of your opinions.  Rejecting your ideas is not rejecting you, but it can feel that way if you grew up in a family that did not validate your thoughts and feelings.

It can feel lonely to sit outside a circle of family or friends but it is lonelier still to sit outside the haven of your own heart and soul.