I can't decide what I am having for dinner, let alone what I plan to do with my life next year.

How do we know when we're making the right decision?


What do you feel inside when you think about planning your future as well as when you think about the individual plans?

Start with day to day choices and small things. Notice the peace that you feel when you make a good choice for you. When you choose something that's healthy for you, there's a sense of peace. You add a glass of water to your regular intake.  That extra glass of water becomes integrated into what you do through the act of noticing how you feel after you drink it.

It can be a very small thing, but start to notice the peace that you experience when you do make a choice that's good for you.  

Choices regarding work life post-divorce are difficult. In some cases, we may have to work more. We may have to work more because of our financial situation. We may need to cut back on our work, to work less because when we have the children all to ourselves on one week we do not have a caregiver. If you don't have help on the weeks that you have your children, it becomes challenging.

When considering your work, how can it be a reflection of what you believe in? What options exist to do what you love or to work toward what you love?

During divorce, our inquiry may need to be temporary. This is particularly true when we are undergoing many different transitions at once. The goal then is two fold: Allow me to choose something that I'm passionate about and that I can actually do in this particular transition period.

With each step, we step further into our own power and come closer we are closer to embracing our independence. Life begins to feel like an adventure.

Even as we move into our new life, negative voices may occasionally return. We might think, "I'm never going to be able to do this".

I encourage you to think about something that you're doing now that six months ago, you thought you would never do. Maybe it's taking an hour hike you. Six months ago you thought, "I can't, I don't even want to walk around the block." Now you make it to the top and enjoy the beautiful view.

What are you doing that you never thought you could do?

Maybe you were busy caring for the kids and the house and delegated going through all of your finances to a spouse. Now it feels like you have less and less time for everything you have to accomplish by yourself.  Yet, understanding where you're at financially and where money is being spent and earned provides confidence and stability.

Right now, you're doing something today that you, six months ago, thought you could never do.

Noticing your adaptation builds confidence. Take that step into the future and realize, this is a stretch for me, but I made it this far, I'm going to make it that next.

Celebrate when you do take that step, when you show up for yourself,  sends a message to your brain, "You're going to be okay.!"


Working through divorce can be very lonely. The protective mechanism is to isolate. Many feel like they don't want to talk to friends. They don't want to go to that dinner in honor of your friend Flo retiring.  You don't want to meet people after work but would rather isolate.

Maybe you feel shame about your divorce and don't want to have to say that you're going through a divorce.

In the moment that we choose to isolate, we might feel safer, but that feeling of safety isn't real, it is not necessarily really safe. Compare this to choosing connections with the right people, your people! Divorce doesn't have to be so lonely and it doesn't have to be isolated.