What is Inner Child Work? Inner Child Healing

Inner Child Healing

What is inner child work?

How do the inner child and adult interact?

What is Adult and Child work?

Adult and child work is often called Parts Work.

You are the culmination of all of your experiences from the beginning of your life to today. Everything you've ever been is blended together into one being: You. However, the one you is made up of many different parts. When we do inner child work, we begin by identifying the different parts of who we are, we explore them, define them, introduce them to each other, and define each of their roles in our lives.

Why is this important?

Often we act in accordance with the different parts of ourselves subconsciously. When we do so we feel less in control of our behaviors and reactions. We might wonder where a particular outburst even originated from or why a small incident feels like a big event.

Example: Our anger may be triggered by words spoken to us today that bring to mind the meaning and feelings of hearing these or similar words said to us in the past.

"Stop being so dramatic!"

If you were told to "Stop being so dramatic!" or to "Settle down!" when you felt anger or fear as a child, hearing similar words today from someone may feel invalidating of your feelings and bring to the surface the feelings of being invalidated by your parents when you were growing up. As our anger or frustration wells within us, we don't realize the extent to which we are acting from the angry child. In the moment it just feels like our actions are fully grounded in the present.  However, if you were to hear similar words but feel confident in sharing your feelings your present day self acts differently. Another part of your self, such as the confident manager part of us steps forward and seeks to manage our communications and being heard.

When we become aware of all the different parts of who we are, we learn who we are as a whole and can process our feelings and choose our behaviors more intentionally, rather than reacting from a subconscious script.

As you gain knowledge of who you are, you also become clear about who you are not. Becoming whole is accepting and working from your authentic self and releasing the parts that are artifacts from who you may have felt you have had to be for others or for society.

Exploring the Parts of Ourselves

As we explore our parts and the feelings and behaviors connected with them we begin to identify our fears, our attachments and losses and our feelings of separation, jealousy, or anxiety, We also identify the significant events and people who have loved us and helped us grow and who have wounded us. By acknowledging the hurt, we begin healing the wound. By acknowledging the love, we feel less alone.

How do the ways we learned to cope in the past serve to hold us back or hurt us today?

When we have experienced hurt or abandonment or fear as children, we develop wounds that we hold within. Wounds can be related to our family or people we encountered through school, church, or synagogue, from bullies, or trauma endured through war or illness or racism.  The wounds remain if we don't process and heal them. You may have heard the phrase, "What we resist persists."

We don't lose our "inner child" when we grow up. We carry that part of us with us.

Your inner child developed coping mechanisms in order to survive and get by during a time of great vulnerability. Those coping mechanisms served you at the time. We often forget about these behaviors and habits as having originated in the past and believe they are who we are.  While the coping mechanisms served you at the time, they may not serve you as an adult. As adults, we can learn new coping skills and and tools that will work for the adults we are today.

How do I connect with my inner child?

Pay attention to yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings.  Being present and practice mindfulness. aNotice your reactions. 

Ask yourself honest questions like,

"Where is this coming from?"

"Is this mine?" And

"Why do I feel this way?"

It's about staying in the moment, understanding triggers, setting boundaries, and accepting and forgiving old behaviors.

Who is the adult self?

The adult parts of you are those parts that are authentic, responsible, grounded, and clear. The adult parts of you can come forward and reassure and work with your inner child. The adult self is less reactive, more self-assured, connected, strong, brave, and mature in their interactions.

Who is the inner child?

The inner child part of you is hopeful, joyful, creative, and finds magic in the world.  Its the part of your being that brings laughter and joy to yourself and others. That part of you is unconditional and loving. It's also the part of you that gets fearful, can feel unsafe, and needs validation. Its the part of you that feels like the approval of others is a necessity for your survival. The inner child is more reactive, driven more by ego, is unreasonably fearful,  has a need to be seen. Your inner child may frequently feel unsafe, feels flight or fight, strives to be liked, is a people pleaser and feels unheard or unseen. The inner child struggles without validation.

How will healing my inner child impact my personal life?

As you feel more confident and trusting of your self you find the courage to experience greater intimacy in relationships. You may interact rather than simply reacting. In this way you will create and maintain healthy boundaries. You will respond from your truth rather than with what you believe the other wants or needs to hear.  As you come to know and trust yourself, you experience more self-love and healing.

How will healing my inner child impact my work life?

You will feel greater confidence in your career actions and decisions and calm in your work relationships. This can translate into more clearly articulating your positions. The leader within is another part that emerges more fully.

How can my adult self help my inner child to feel loved and content?

Talk to the child part within you.

Listen for their inner calling. 

See that part of yourself with loving and compassionate eyes.

Validate the feelings that arise from your inner child.