The Hardest Question For My Therapy Clients to Answer

Sometimes it feels impossible to answer the question: "If I could live my life anyway I wanted, anywhere I wanted, with whomever I wanted, and do what I wanted what will my life look like?"

Visualizing your next leap into possibility is being willing to open at least one eye toward that which is both tantalizing and scary.  

One of the hardest questions for my clients to answer is  "What do you want?"

"What do you want?"

Seems like an easy peasy question. I guess if you are at In and Out trying to decide what to have for lunch from their limited menu of single, double, double double, it might be easy peasy. Even then, there are all the secret menu items and the FOMO that comes from not ordering the Flying Dutchman with the Animal Style french fries and whether it's really worthwhile to watch calories and not order the neopolitan shake.

In my psychology office when I ask, "What do you want?" the response I receive is often a stumped stare.

Not knowing what we want from life is a chronic form of low level confusion.

If you've been tending to other people's needs, wants, and "definitely don't wants", you can lose touch with your own.

Here's a little hack...start with what you don't want....we can usually access this information directly from within.

I don't want a partner who betrays me.

I don't want to worry if my family will be able to renew our health insurance.

I don't want another year to pass without seeing my mom.

Whatever those don't wants are...time to list them....and just when you believe there is nothing else you don't want, take 10 deep breaths and dive in again.

We may lose touch with the ability to dream beyond ordinary possibility. We rarely lose our stronghold on what we don't want. 

One of the ways to move from confusion to clarity, from overwhelmed to optimistic, is to allow yourself to articulate the "don't wants" so you can turn them around and discover the little gems of truth hiding behind every "don't want "which is..........drum roll: Exactly what you do want!

I  want a partner who is honest and loyal.

I want a job that provides good health insurance benefits.

I want to book a trip home and hug my mom.

I think I will give this little exercise it's own name:

The Don't Want Drum Roll......

Roll out the don't wants and get up close and comfortable with what you do want.