Now is the Perfect Time to Wipe Out Toxic Thinking Once and For All

It's the New Year.  Many of the changes in 2021 will come from external factors, i.e. a vaccine, weather conditions, the economy etc.. However, the most potent changes in your life can arise solely from changes in your thinking.  So amazing right?  Something you can work with totally on your own and make extraordinary change in your life and also influence positive change in the lives of others.

We are socialized to prepare for the worst and to believe that our preparation will insure the worst will not happen.  But visualizing and preparing for the worst without opening our minds to our talents and possibilities for growth nearly predicts the worst actually happening.

Many of us go through life playing top hits from a mental playlist loaded with stories that purport to predict a future full of worst case scenarios. These stories, that we mistakenly believe might protect us, are actually the toxic seeds for failing to fulfill our dreams. These toxic patterns of thinking permeate our culture and when we adopt them they make it harder for us to accomplish our goals.

Our play list of toxic tales will pop up whenever we feel anxiety and try to convince us that the new exercise program will surely be something we end up quitting or never even starting.  As the refrain repeats, we may decide not to even bother with imagining what it would feel like to feel fit and healthy. 

Everyone's playlist is as unique as they are and tied to their unique patterns for stress and anxiety. 

After not having been on a date in 15 years, Mary responds internally to her best friend's nudging to get coffee with a man whose appearance they have both admired with  "that guy would never even notice me, let alone sit down for coffee with me."

Martin loves to listen to a local business guru's podcast every Sunday.  He knows they both belong to the same tennis club and imagines he would be the perfect mentor for a new local bike shop he is opening.  Yet when he passes his perfect mentor in the locker room or walking on and off the courts, he does not say hello or start a conversation because Martin is busy telling himself that the mentor would just think he is incompetent. 

Even when safe at home, opening an email invite to a happy hour from an acquaintance leads to a rapid heart beat and sweaty palms because attending would mean freezing in conversation without the slightest chance for a witty interjection into the conversation. Does that mean that if socializing is out, the next best thing will be to focus on success at work? Not if the melody about the promotion your cubicle neighbor will definitely be offered way before you is ringing in your ears.

These stories are the toxic seeds that grow into weeds that crowd out the flowers of our dreams.

But you made it through 2020!  You are strong and resilient and rippling with tenacity. It is 2021.  Can I hear you say, "Enough of that sitting on the sidelines life!"

The psychology of “wise interventions” is fascinating and supports why I believe you owe it to yourself to wipe out toxic thinking once and for all.

The idea behind the psychology of wise interventions is that our behavior is a response to the way we interpret, or give meaning to, a situation. When we change that meaning (using a wise intervention) we will change our behavior, typically for the better.

Intelligence is fixed. What? We know that's not true! Yet, look deeper. Do you subconsciously believe your intelligence is fixed?  Look carefully. Do you like to organize and group or label people in your mind? We all do. Doing so is a natural cognitive response for processing information about others quickly. It is also a way to form our own behavior to meet our own, somewhat subconscious, expectations.

Barbara did poorly on the third and fourth parts of the CPA exam. When she got her scores and saw she did not do well she quickly jumped to the thought that she never should have tried to pass in the first place.  Failure to pass all of the parts of the all encompassing exam feels inevitable.  She decides her score means she is not meant to be a CPA. 

A lawyer does not feel he belongs in the higher ranks at the firm where he works.  The associate, the one who is always getting ahead on legal projects, suddenly stops sharing a story with colleagues when the lawyer approaches. The lawyer sees the associate's behavior as evidence of social exclusion or criticism which he takes as proof that he does not belong. Feeling out of his league, he disengages from the challenging projects that risk failure but are necessary for getting ahead.

If people think that stress, or feelings of physiological arousal, that arise before an event are debilitating, they see the anxiety and fear they are experiencing as evidence of impending failure, making it harder to perform well.

Wise interventions change the way people make sense of things, their world, and their position in it. Opening our minds to the positive possibilities that lie before us gives us an alternative and legitimate adaptive way to understand ourselves, other people, and social situation,s which in turn helps us to succeed and grow.

As we learn how we commonly make sense of situations that have culminated in poor outcomes, we gain the opportunity to change our interpretations of these events. 

Mindfulness helps us to gain an understanding of how we make sense of what matters in any given situation.  We can notice if our way of coping with anxiety is to shut down the thought of the activity that creates the anxiety in ways that are maladaptive and interfere with achieving our goals. A shift in our inner dialogue that reminds us that we all feel discomfort as we grow, can help us persevere and welcome change and all of the bonuses that inevitably follow along.

Ready to Manifest an Amazing 2021 and Achieve Your Wildest Dreams? Fantastic. I have created the perfect tool for you!

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Let's keep the conversation going!

Jodi