Approval Not-Seeking

Approval seeking and people pleasing are wicked habits.

Inherently you have strength, intelligence, potential and talent. Add to that all that you have cultivated since your earliest days.

Life can be traumatic and wounding and may interfere with our natural ability to feel confident and capable. Sometimes it can feel like we have lost access to our own wisdom.  It can feel like a siren overpowering and drowning out  the quiet voice inside telling us the things we know to be true.

Underneath figuring out how to fit all of life into our new framework of days, our wisdom remains; no one can take it away.

Self-care is much more than a facial or a pedicure (though those are two really lovely examples!).  Self-care at it's truest is saying no to something requested or demanded or expected by others in order to say yes to our own emotional, physical and mental well being.

Self care sits opposite the defense mechanisms of people pleasing and approval seeking.

In self care. We take the time to take care of ourselves. When we're approval seeking, we never seem to have time for ourselves and our life focus is on the care of others or giving other people what they need or making other people happy.

People pleasing, approval seeking, and codependency are defense mechanisms we use to keep ourselves safe and to avoid rejection or conflict. Unfortunately, these defense mechanisms cost us connection and repair with others as well as connection and repair with our selves.

Some codependency comes from our fight against the possibility of loneliness and wanting to feel safe from abandonment. That fear of loneliness can make us agree to so many things for others in order to gain approval. Approval from others validates us and we depend upon it to feel approval for ourselves.  That is the codependency. Approval seekers gain strength from being validated by others, instead of feeling strong and competent because of what they know to be true about themselves.

They might be the strongest, most powerful person, but if they need someone else to say they are powerful, they don't believe they have that power based just upon there own knowing, that's part of why they are approval seeking.  When we're approval seeking, we feel a need for validation from others in order to feel we have value.

Examples of Approval Seeking and People Pleasing

• Repeatedly saying, "Are you mad at me? Are you sure?"
• Making ourselves seem less intelligent.
• Wanting to dress a certain way so that people don't think certain things about us.
  
   Apologizing, even when you don't feel sorry.
• Trying to feel sorry even when you don't think you should feel sorry.
• Letting go of approval seeking builds self-confidence.
  
  You give up needing other people to validate you.
• You no longer need people to approve of you or to praise you.
  
  Do you ever catch yourself people pleasing or approval seeking?

Are there things that you always need someone else's support in order to feel like you are about to do the right thing?

Do you believe you must engage in certain behaviors in order to be loved?

Will you take the step of writing down any ways that you may be manifesting approval seeking?