COPARENTING TECHNIQUES: SHOWING AFFECTION & MAINTAINING CONNECTION WITH YOUR TODDLER

Enlightened CoParenting™ emphasizes emotional connection with your child, regardless of whether or not they are with you or their coparent. No need to wait for your parenting time or a special occasion to show affection to your toddler. Maintaining that heart to heart connection with them, helps both of you through periods of separation from each other. 

This checklist offers a way to offer loving actions to your child each day, electronically or by phone when you are apart and physically when you are together.

I am joined by other psychologists and specifically developmental psychologists in suggesting these heart centered techniques.

1. Perform a simple, personalized ritual at the beginning and end of parenting times. For example: morning hug after waking up, daddy/mommy dance when child returns from time with other parent, or sing song you made up together at each bath time etc.

2. Engage in mindful conversation. Be curious about what your toddler is thinking and feeling.  Ask questions!  Answer your child’s questions and reward their curiosity with your attention.

3. Introduce behavioral rules as teaching and learning opportunities and in a loving manner.

4. Slow down to connect with your child. Children under 5 have different rhythms for processing their experiences.

5. Show your child trust and respect by entrusting them with tasks or parts of tasks that they can accomplish. Practice completing tasks as a team when it comes to everyday goals around the house.

6. Show acceptance by allowing your child to perform at their own pace and without rigidity to exactly the way you would perform the task. If the task is one they can perform without detailed instructions, skip the details and allow them to fill in some of the steps they are likely to know. Be mindful of when and how you exercise control over safe to perform tasks.  Perhaps you can observe carefully and attentively without directing.

7. Notice your child’s constructive behavior and reinforce it with a specific compliment.

8. Share being the storyteller. Ask your child to create a story about a character or friend and actively listen with a genuine intention to understand the story your child is telling. Show your understanding of their story line.

9. Engage in quality time, play together, have fun. Get in touch with your own inner child and find freedom of voice and movement.

10. Show availability when your child expresses a need. If you are not available in the moment, explain when you will be available.

11. Honestly explain why you are busy when you’re not available to attend to their needs.

12. Express affection by saying, “I love you.” Also notice other specific qualities like “I love your jokes” or “I love your smile.”

13. Act with integrity and grace to help your child learn discipline.

14. Know what is happening in your child's life when they are with their coparrent and express joy for their experiences with their coparent.

Looking to update your parenting plan to include particulars that make coparenting easier for all family members? Download my free Parenting Plan Essentials Worksheet!