Dating In Your Fifties and Sixties

I am a psychologist who offers practical tools and advice for gaining clarity on dating and developing connections and maintaining relationships in mid-life. I am also engaged in ongoing research on the subject of midlife dating and my research and interviews continually inform the work I do with people who feel they don't know how to date in today's world or who are afraid to consider dating. Learning to date in this day and age is easy and with all of the life experience you bring to the table, you are perfectly positioned to face your fears about dating.

Midlife happens to be an excellent time for dating. 

If not now, when?

While us folks in our fittest and sixties may be new to dating, we are not new to social life and can draw upon a trove of wisdom garnered from both past healthy and unhealthy experiences and  relationships.

There are more people in their fifties and sixties dating then there ever were in the past.

The divorce rate for people over 50 has doubled over the past 2 decades and it has become common for people who are divorced or whose spouse has died to realize that they have a lot of precious life left and to feel they deserve to enjoy it. Also, dating technology has moved to be easily accessed over mobile phones and the processes for interacting with the technology have become easier.

Dating Technology is Easier but Dating is Very Different Than in the Past

The ease in using technology to date has not improved the ease with which midlife daters date. Most of the newest technology is based upon what successful dating looks like for people in their twenties and thirties.  Also, the goals of dating and the skills needed to meet and make connections are different for people in their fifties and sixties than they are for people in their twenties and thirties.

When I coach middle-aged people in dating, I guide them toward understanding the dating terrain, help them brush up on how to make connections and get to know someone in our very fast paced world, and teach them the secrets of how to cultivate the presence needed to be seen in their best light, and how to be discerning yet open to the potential a date may hold.

Seeing Potential

 

One of the most important tips for successful dating involves changing the goal of dating from looking for a long-term relationship to dating for fun and exploration. 

 

Have you ever developed feelings of attraction toward someone you did not initially find attractive? More than 78% of people have experienced this phenomenon. When dating for fun and exploration, the goal is to cultivate connection rather than picking the prize person out of a group. When determining romantic potential, look for the small details that make a person special. Perhaps they are easy to talk to or have a dry sense of humor that you love. Are they interesting to spend time with?

Being an interesting person is not as important as being an interesting person to spend time with. 

When preparing yourself for dating or selecting someone to date, a list of degrees or accomplishments will not go as far in cultivating fun and exploration and connection as looking for someone who listens with interest and asks meaningful questions or who can share stories to provide snapshots of their lives. Being open emotionally and using your imagination to share who you are in an authenticate way is key to cultivating connection.

First dates today are typically shorter than they were in the past, with most lasting between 45 minutes and an hour. That means imaginative snapshots of your life shared via short stories and encouraging the same of your date will lead to dates that are less about success or failure in the long term and more about you enjoying life and thriving as a single person who is currently enjoying the process of dating. Lists of accomplishments and tragedies are less interesting then short stories that capture attention. Short stories or relaxed dialogue with a sense of humor are also more easily shared via text. This is important because the process of determining the possibility of connection with someone often begins via text.

Keep Your Heart Open to the Possibility of Romance

As you redesign your days to include mindfulness and gratitude you become aware of the beauty around you. That beauty includes caring moments between strangers, the song of a desert wren in a mesquite tree, laughter heard on a gentle breeze.

Being present in the moment allows you to see the romance that surrounds you in everyday life. Notice the small details that evoke romantic potential. Capture these moments without worrying whether they will amount to more. Accept a romantic moment for what it is, a detail that infuses inspiration to continue finding dating as a fun adventure amidst your exploration of life.

Releasing Pain from the Past

Dating for fun and exploration often requires some preparation if we are moving out of a period of sadness or heartbreak.

As I work with my clients, we unearth and excavate the core values and goals that may have been buried beneath the challenges of the past. Before we can have our feet firmly grounded in the new, we must face and process difficult emotions that can keep us stuck if they aren't worked through. Utilize journaling or conversations with your therapist to come to recognize limiting patterns and beliefs that keep happiness, joy, and love at bay. As you release the pain of the past, make space for forgiveness for yourself for choices you made that contributed to your pain. This forgiveness is an essential ingredient for cultivating self-love and opens you to exploring the world to uncover a renewed sense of purpose.

I offer premium online coaching in dating to men and women in their fifties and sixties who are ready to step into a more empowered future and the life they deserve.