Deciphering the Heartbreaking Words of Angry Kids

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT CHILDREN'S WORDS SPOKEN OUT OF ANGER

A  note I received from a mom devastated by the news that her child said he wanted to live with his dad:

I am also very concerned that my son now wants to live with his dad. He hasn’t been very nice to me .......His dad won’t talk to me and I have given up trying. That would change everything. Each day just seems to be getting worse for me. 

We discuss this hurtful situation in Module 1 of the Enlightened CoParenting Course.

Here is an excerpt from the course:

When your child throws a temper tantrum, becomes angry, and blames you for ruining their life don’t take their behavior personally.

Realize that in many instances when children blame one parent or another for the divorce occurring their blaming is a way of coping and a defense against feeling overwhelmed by the many changes they are experiencing in the course of a short period.  It is often not meant against the parent personally.

It is not easy to refrain from taking words that are so hurtful personally but if you understand the cause of the child’s behavior you are likely to have the strength to do so.

Acknowledge their right to feel angry, afraid, or frustrated. You will then have the necessary co-parenting strength to tell them how much you love them and how much you regret their hurt and pain.

Here are a few other translations of angry words, from the APPARENT Newsletter, that mean something very different from how they sound:

For instance, it would translate:

• "I hate you, dad!" into "I love you but I am mad at you at the same time, so I'm confused!"
• The child hits the mom and runs under the table, into "I am scared to ask for closeness because I don't want you to reject me. So I'll hurt you instead. Can you come and hold me?"
• "This toy is stupid!" into "I cannot figure out how to assemble these train tracks, can you help me?"

Have another phrase you need translated? Message me!

Jodi

P.S. I am Dr. Jodi Peary, an expert in coparenting who created the Enlightened CoParenting Method.  Receive, CHERISH THIS TIME, a weekly newsletter about how to raise confident and happy children!

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