How CoParents Can Avoid Last Minute Holiday Heartbreak

Over the next 2 weeks, each day I will be sharing the exact Enlightened CoParenting tips for holidays that are as peaceful and joyful as they can be, despite the pandemic.

Holidays are full of cherubs and challenges. The magic is in keeping the cherubs far from the challenges. I am often asked, "How can coparents avoid last minute holiday heartbreak?"

It is really important not to get too attached to a particular date for holiday rituals.  Holidays are difficult, especially in the first year post separation.  If the love you and your children have for each other is all you need to make the holiday season special, the date itself will not be what matters but rather what you do with the days you have with your children during the holiday season. Their is nothing innately sacred about the date you choose to wake up and have a holiday brunch and open presents.  The calendar does not make the day special, you and your children do.

When you are new to coparenting, you will find that it is a time to create new holiday rituals that go with your new home or home situation and your new life.  If you will be the only adult celebrating the holidays with the children on a certain day, relish the delight of creating a day from your and your children's own imaginations, without needing to tailor plans to meet the expectations of other adults.

Letting go of celebrating on a particular date is one important way to keep your children's best interests in mind when making holiday plans. Children are particularly astute. They will pick up on your feelings if you feel disappointment about not having the entire holiday with them.  They may misinterpret the reason for your feelings and think you are disappointed in them.  Or they may make it their mission to cheer you up, which is not their job to do.  Try to find joy the same way your children do, they see it right in front of them!

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