Inside Out Values Versus Outside In Values and Winning the Coparenting Match-up

Hey there. I'm excited to talk to you about inside-out and outside-in values and goals.

Our values and goals help anchor us into conflict free co-parenting and into being able to negotiate our parenting plan, as well as our differences. Co-parenting and figuring out coparenting in a way that's healthy for us and our kids is a huge goal. Obstacles are inevitable. One way to overcome obstacles is stay in touch with our values, particularly our intrinsic values. Pursuing internally rewarding, intrinsic goals, results in our ability to perform better and more persistently over time.

Our wellbeing is strongly influenced by the intrinsic values we have. Intrinsic values tap into our desire to grow and develop. Intrinsic values are freely chosen. We choose to act in line with the value rather than to act because another person expects us to. This choice gives the value so much power. Examples of intrinsic values include self-acceptance, authenticity and creativity.

Extrinsic values are followed as a means to an end. An extrinsic value may reflect a desire to be approved of or accepted by others or to make sure others don't think that we are less worthy. Whereas intrinsic values originate from our inner drive, our inner need to grow and develop, external values represent external indications of what we think our worth is as a human being.

 Extrinsic values foster excessive ego and social comparison, both of those things get in the way of healthy co-parenting. Examples of extrinsic values include financial success, social popularity, physical attractiveness, looking like a winner to other people.

We are going to identify the values that are related to our co-parenting goals and see," Are those intrinsic values or extrinsic values underlying the goal?" That's going to play a part in how we cultivate a parenting plan. You can use the identified underlying intrinsic values as motivation to persist when obstacles arise or when your co-parent is difficult to get along with.