Managing Obstacles On The Journey Toward Your Most Authentic Self.

We all face obstacles to living in resonance with our highest self, spirit, or most authentic self.

Obstacles Along The Path

Common obstacles along the path toward living as your most authentic self include:

• Self-Criticism,
• Acting Out of Habit,
• Fear of Being Labeled Selfish, and
• A Need for External Validation.

First, we need to notice the obstacles.

Self-inquiry

The capacity to expose unexamined beliefs, thoughts, and stories that create unnecessary suffering. Self-inquiry reveals the eternal truth of who you are, free and at peace.

Some of the obstacles I have encountered along the way have had to do with my wanting. My ambition to do everything and do it the best I can and to compare that best to other people's best can be an enormous boulder.  For many years that boulder tipped the balance of my existence more toward human doing than human being.

Canadian physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté said on a recent podcast that the feeling of being legitimate or worthy needs to come from within, lest people “sacrifice their playfulness, their joyfulness” for external validation.

The Obstacles

Self-Criticism

Wanting to be a good mother, wanting to be a caring wife, wanting to earn money to put 3 kids through school, wanting to make my family proud of me, wanting to earn money to have a larger home and a nicer car. I wanted to be the best family lawyer and couldn't bear to lose a case. I want to be the best psychologist and am continually doing more and more formal learning and experiencing. All of this is fine provided I can love the mother that I am and the wife that I am and the psychologist that I am. Compassion is one of my central values and when I am in line with that value, everything is exactly as it should be.  I love the quality of the work I do  and the quality of connection rather than comparing and always wanting to do more. All of this wanting creates an imbalance if I don't feel more gratitude, more gratitude, than ambition.

Gratitude brings me back to human being from human doing. It gives me time and space for a spiritual life. 

Habits

In addition to my ambitions, some of my behaviors were also obstacles along my journey.  Wanting to be in shape lead me to the gym or on a run or walk or swim for one hour everyday. That is at least 1 hour, maybe more, never less. This habit is healthy and wonderful but my lack of flexibility kept me from opening my mind to variations on the theme and feeling gratitude for the time I was able to easily spend moving in a way that felt good to body, mind, and soul, not just body and it's okay for a different increment of time rather than one hour.

Fear of Being Labeled Selfish

Maybe you experience challenges whenever you start to focus on your own well-being because you learned and then ingrained into your subconscious that focusing on your self is selfish. Without your well-being who around you will suffer. Maybe you have difficulty loving your self and that brings about a sinking feeling in your stomach that arises from the fear of being 'found out" as being selfish.

Need For External Validation

Seeking validation from others can be an obstacle on your journey forward. Your truth will not be something everyone shares, still you must live it, even if it feels like you are being misunderstood. I work with my clients by helping them to construct a sense of internal safety. Having a sense of internal safety means you validate yourself, rather than seek validation from others, in ways that promote feeling calm and at peace.

"I can validate my efforts without measuring them against a fixed arbitrary goal."

You have experienced obstacles related to who you uniquely are along the way. Yet those same unique qualities also contribute strengths.

There are more possibilities for obstacles on the journey toward the authentic self than we could ever imagine. But, take note, there is even more power in your heart, mind, and soul than any obstacle can hold back.

You are not alone.

Together, yes I am still working on this, we can move or move around the heaviest of boulders on our paths to living as our truest selves.

4 Practices to Remove The Obstacles to Living As Your Highest or Truest Self

1. Speak the Obstacles Out Loud

Acknowledge upfront that there are obstacles along this journey toward self-discovery. Say them out loud. Acknowledge the challenge.

If you discover something that is standing in the way of you taking or continuing along this journey remember that standing still is not one of the options because we are always moving and changing. This isn't about should I or should I not change, it is about how I will change. The choice may be between stopping and avoiding the challenge, in which case the act of not doing will change you in one way, or you can find a way to climb over the boulder, go around it, dig under it, or maybe even plow right through it with your diamond cutting drill. Your choice of one or the other is up to you, but some change is going to happen regardless.

By taking the journey you create your future. By not taking the journey toward finding your true self,  chance, or gravity, or decay or some other force will choose the change for you. 

You create your future by committing to it out loud with both your conscious and subconscious mind and taking that first tiny step into the beautiful possibilities held by the unknown. There is no  right or wrong here. The only way to end up somewhere you don't want to be is to not step forward at all.

What obstacles are standing in the way of you reaching the pinnacles you imagine for yourself?

What motivates you to take the journey? Can you allow your memory and imagination to transport you?

2. Imagine overcoming the obstacles and arriving at your goals.

Free your mind. 

What will happen emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually? 

Look longer. Enrich the color, see the details the touch, the texture, the smell.

Feel what your heart will feel.

Say these outcomes out loud. For extra credit, sing them!

3. Revisit the obstacles from Question 1. Can you transform the individual obstacle into a to-do list that you can tackle one small step at a time?

To overcome the obstacle what specific steps can you take? 

Do you need to prioritize things, intentionally schedule, or undertake some activity?

Ex. If the obstacle is a fear, make a to-do list for conquering that fear.

4. I remember when...

You have overcome obstacles in your past. I know you have. You did not arrive here by always choosing corridors that are paved and cleared.

Take out a pen and paper or tap out, on your computer:   "I remember when...." and keep going for ten minutes with your writing without editing.

Write about your memory of overcoming an obstacle.

How did you overcome it?

What challenges did you face and how did you work around them?

Notice what you feel in your heart and body when you say this to yourself:

“I accept the way I am today, versus the way that I’m ‘supposed’ to be.”

Meet each day with tenderness and love,
even as you struggle to awaken.

In the midst of the challenges of greater awareness,
joy of soul can become more present,
the joy of truth and authenticity,
the joy of greater love.

Gurujima