Perfect Families

"In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted and bent in weird ways and they're still beautiful." Alice Walker

There aren't any perfect families. You know that intellectually but I am calling upon you to also know this in your heart. I am speaking to you from two different generations. First, your family when you were a child and second, your own family today.

If you had a pretty easy going childhood, why postpone celebrating your family's gorgeous idiosyncrasies and eccentricities? Allow this to inspire you to also celebrate the idiosyncrasies and eccentricities in the family you have as an adult. Our families don't need to be perfect but they do need to hold a space for each family member to be and feel loved. If you have recently divorced, you may worry that you won't be able to give your children the good experience you had. That is a myth. You can and will give your children time and space filled with love.

If childhood was full of challenges, you may first need to mourn the loss of the childhood that existed in your mind but that you never had. 

Whether with a professional or on your own, take the time to consider whether the way family life didn't feel right or downright hurt can be processed and, not necessarily forgiven or forgotten, but placed within your current life in a way that you can make  peace with.

If childhood was full of challenges and you are going through or recently divorced, mourning your own experience may support you in seeing all of the promise and opportunity that you have in your adult family, regardless of divorce.

What are some qualities of the family you have made that are unique?

What do you cherish about this family?

Is there an element of perfection you yearn for your family to embody?

How does it make you feel when you think about this yearning?

How would you feel if you couldn't have this longing or yearning?

Parenting is personal and the origins of our own parenting style lie deep within our childhood experience and the history of our families.

Going through divorce can leave us feeling angry, sad, fearful and relieved and hopeful. 

It is inspiring to have the chance to set goals for parenting that reflect who you have become as a result of what your life and your relationships have been like as well as when you gain insights into the characteristics of your unique children.

I hope you will open your heart and mind to the idea of cultivating a creative vision for what your future can hold. 

Would you like a free resource to use to discuss family changes with your children? You can download the My Changing Family Worksheet right here!

My Changing Family Exercise and Worksheet