Adopting a New Decisionmaking Style During Major Life Transitions

Life transitions evoke intense emotions. This intensity of emotions can influence us to increase the pace with which we are living and the speed with which we believe we need to make decisions.

Living between the big stages or transitions, our pace for making choices reflects the quality of stability we feel in that period. Our pace is made up of a healthy rhythm of using both the rational and emotional sides of our brains.  The healthy rhythm is characterized by mindfulness and intention.

During major transitions, most of the different areas of our life are impacted. Divorce, beginning a new career, moving to a new part of the world, becoming a parent, all instances in which so many different aspects of our lives are impacted. These changes have different effects in the diverse areas of our lives.  We may experience vastly different emotions at once. This may feel exceedingly uncomfortable. It's normal to want to get out of the period of discomfort. If moving past the discomfort becomes a priority, we may increase the pace of our decision making and focus on the emotional aspects of our decisions rather than the rational aspects.

Margarita knew she was making the right choice in getting divorced but felt unsure about selling the house she and the kids lived in and moving closer to extended family. She wished she did not have to move her children to a new school district. If she moved closer to family, however, she would have help from family with childcare, now that she was returning after a two year absence from work. She felt both excited and scared about the possibility of working in a new field. Margarita's ex indicated the house needed to be sold eventually but felt if they could slow down the process, they could share the home until the end of the school year. Margarita felt this was akin to living in limbo. She just wanted the whole divorce and all of it's ensuing changes over.

 

It's completely normal to experience life transitions as intensely emotional since many different areas of our lives are changing at once. It's normal to feel differently about different aspects of our experience.

What can we do to invoke a pace that allows for engaging both our rational and emotional minds?

Being mindful of the quality of our hearts and minds being thick with many intense emotions, can help us to avoid making mistakes based only on the intense emotions and the discomfort we seek to alleviate.  The pause for awareness invites us to place time and space between our emotions and the immediate next step or major decision. That time and space can be necessary if we want to think objectively as well as acknowledge our emotions.

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