What Healthy CoParenting Feels Like, Really!

You just pulled an official looking manilla envelope from your mailbox, opened it and found your signed and sealed divorce decree.  "Is it really over?" you wonder.  The married part is but if you have children there is still work ahead.

Or, maybe, you were divorced six years . Everything went pretty smoothly until your oldest hit 15. Your coparent has completely different views on your child learning to drive, receiving a car, going to college on the opposite coast .....cooperative coparenting has become a mystery or a misery.

There is a minute chance that you and your coparent are each other's favorite person, although such coparent teams do exist. You don't have to adore each other to coparent in a way that is healthy for you and your kids.

The following quotes are drawn from my files of coparents with whom I worked. These are quotes from regular people who do not consider their coparent a great friend but do believe they have a healthy coparening relationship. I asked each of these individuals what healthy coparenting felt like to them to gain insight into what parents who do the work of coparenting are actually experiencing when they describe coparenting as going well.

What makes your coparenting situation feel like it is working for you and your children?
 

• I felt like part of a real parenting team and not like I am in it all alone.
•  We cooperate with each other because we know at one time or another we are going to each need the support of the other.
•  We divide parenting tasks as fairly as we can. We try to consider each other's work schedules and how that impacts after school responsibilities.
•  We uphold each other’s rules and limits to our daughter. She knows what to expect and having that at both homes makes it easier for her and for us.
• When we decided to work together on parenting I found I could trust my coparent more easily. 

These responses highlight the significant benefits that parents and children realize when they put aside animosity and work together.

Want to find out more about Enlightened Coparenting? Click here

Dr. Jodi Peary