The Enlightened CoParenting™ Philosophy

Enlightened Coparenting is a child centered, family centered, developmentally optimal coparenting approach. The model aims to improve the relationship between coparents, to deepen the relationship between parents and children, and to help parents begin the process of healing and improving their relationships with them selves. Adopting the enlightened coparenting method is meant to take place, when possible, before, during, and after divorce in order to increase the quality of life for your children and for you.

The Enlightened CoParenting Model is a model that takes into account that parents went into their marriage believing it would last forever.  They had children and made a commitment to offering them a healthy family in which to grow and flourish. The model is a non-judgmental effort to enable families to emerge from divorce happy and whole. Life and relationships are challenging.  Many unforeseen circumstances may arise to erode the couple relationship.  When children are involved, the concern over unremitting conflict becomes more acute.   Tough decisions need to be made and the decision to divorce, though never made lightly, becomes the only way parents see to give themselves and their children a life marked predominantly by love and peace.

In my extensive research on the subject of children and divorce I have arrived at the  same conclusion found in countless studies.  That conclusion is that most children whose parents divorce will ultimately be just as happy, successful, and well-adjusted as children whose parents remain married. When it comes to child well-being, the key issue is not whether parents divorce, but the degree to which parents are able to minimize the risk factors for divorce in children while maximizing protective factors of divorce. One of the most documented risk factors for negative outcomes for divorce in children is high conflict between parents.

Parents can begin to give their children a bright future simply by caring about and seeking tools for coparenting.  Without these initial desires, healthy coparenting would be difficult, if not impossible to achieve.

The Enlightened CoParenting Model draws upon a few different psychological themes.

The first theme is the theory regarding the intergenerational risk of psychopathology in children.  That means the theory that tries to explain how different factors influence the mental health of children.  In accordance with that model we do not beleive that children need perfect parents or perfect lives to be healthy.  To the contrary, the goal is to work to maximize family and individual strengths while minimizing family and individual risks.  Enlightened CoParenting  seeks to help you do just that.

A second predominant theory or theme in the Enlightened Coparenting™ model is that in cultivating emotional intelligence in ourselves and in our children we cultivate resilience and the ability to develop healthy relationships throughout our lives.  The methods for cultivating emotional intelligence are integrated into the Enlightened CoParenting Model.

A third theory or theme that the Enlightened CoParenting model is based upon is the family systems model.  In family systems, no one member of the family is responsible for the success or failure of the family or the individuals in it. Rather, each member of a family, living together or apart, influences every other member of the family.  We can see benefits to an entire family simply by creating healthy prompts or patterns in one member of the family because that member will necessarily influence other members. 

Enlightned CoParenting also integrates attachment theory which holds that the quality of the relationships infants and children have with their primary caregiver(s) influences the way we adapt, cope, love, and allow ourselves to be loved.  Early patterns influence later life relationships.

The last predominant theory upon which Enlightened CoParenting is based is cognitive behavioral theory.  Mindfulness and awareness of the way our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected is a primary theme of the course.

In the Enlightened CoParenting Course we may not refer to these theories directly but they form the basis for creating a healthy coparenting environment.   The course shares in plain, easy to understand ways how to begin coparenting in an enlightened way. It also shows you how to adapt the principals to every form of family and to children at each developmental stage.

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