How To Recover Your Sense Of Self After Divorce

Remember the person you were before you ever met your partner and long before you became a couple? That person is still in there and when going through divorce we you need that self more than ever. 

In my divorce recovery work, I hear again and again "I don't even know who I am anymore!" Clients relate that their connection to self feels distant or lost.

WHO AM I AFTER 20 YEARS OF BEING SOMEONE'S PARTNER?

 

"As I tended to the ending and the rituals for closure, I asked myself who is left? Am I alone good enough, worthy enough to be a mother to my three children? "

Divorce from a partner can feel like a divorce from our selves, particularly if we lost our unique sense of self in the marriage.

This loss of self becomes even more acute if the divorce process activates in overdrive our inner critic.   Our culture rewards chronically self-evaluative human beings. Wanting to learn, grow and change is healthy and a form of resilience.  The paradox is being able to love one's self while owning the motivation to grow and change.

I work with my clients to help them turn divorce into an opportunity for transformation. At the same time I insist that I do not by any means mean that they are not enough right this very minute.  Rather than encouraging self-evaluating, I want to encourage self-developing toward being a person who doesn't need to change at their core to love themselves. Self-developing is mindful and intentional living.  Healing body, mind, heart, and soul returns us to ourselves.

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Dr. Jodi Peary