How About A Toxic Thinking Wipe Out?

It's the New Year.  Many of the changes in 2021 will come from external factors, i.e. a vaccine, weather conditions, the economy  etc.. 

However, the most potent changes will come from changes in our thinking.  

A change you cultivate within will make extraordinary, awesome, and welcome change in your life.  It will also influence positive change in the lives of others.

How many times have you been told:

PREPARE FOR THE WORST. 

As if preparing for the worst will keep the worst from happening. 

Our mental playlists are loaded with stories predicting worst case scenarios.  We believe that telling ourselves these stories will protect us. 

We must come to know that by visualizing and preparing for the worst, we predict and perpetuate the worst actually happening. We plant toxic seeds for failing to fulfill our dreams.  

Why do we plant the seeds of toxic thoughts again and again and make it harder for ourselves to accomplish our goals?  

Each person's playlist is unique, as they are, their fears are in some ways unique and they are tied to unique patterns for stress and anxiety. But, the process is similar amongst all of us with regard to it's paralyzing potential.

Mary's story

Mary has been single for 20 years and not been on a date in 15 years. Mary's best friend pestered Mary to ask the guy they both found gorgeous to join her in getting coffee. Mary was certain that enticing man would never notice her or agree to have coffee with her. Mary's certainty safely ensconced her what was less uncomfortable, the unknowing. Unknowing may be safer but it can also be lonely.

Martin's Story

Martin listens to a local business guru's (Guru) podcast every Sunday as he rides his bike through the downtown area and around the downtown square.  Martin spotted Guru at his tennis club. Martin imagined Guru would be the perfect mentor to him if he took action to pursue owning a local bike shop.Thirty minutes later, coincidentally side by side in the men's locker room, Martin placed his tennis shoes in the locker right next to the locker where Guru was retrieving his aftershave. Martin did not say a word to Guru beyond the whisper, "Excuse me, I will get out of your way." Martin told himself it was idiocy to imagine Guru would mentor him.

Why do we allow these toxic seeds to grow into raggy weeds that crowd out the flowers of our dreams? 

We fear failing and think that playing ourselves as worthless fools will protect us from failure.

The psychology of “wise interventions.”

Our behavior is often a response to the way we interpret, or give meaning to, a situation.

We organize and group people in our minds in order to process information about others quickly. That benefit is offset by the way this organizing and grouping shapes our own behavior to meet our subconscious expectations.

Barbara's Failure

Barbara, known to her friends as Babs, did poorly on the third and fourth parts of the CPA exam. Upon receiving her scores Babs shrieked and launched into "I should never have tried to take the stupid exam in the first place."  Babs decided she was not meant to be a CPA. If you were Babs' friend, wouldn't you be furious with her?  Wouldn't you exclaim, "Babs, you passed 3 parts, there are only 2 more, Get back in the ring!!!!!!" 

The psychology of wise interventions works by helping us see that the way we make sense of things, our world, and our position in it, impacts our success.

Opening our minds and visualizing the positive possibilities that lie before us gives us an alternative, legitimate, and adaptive way to understand ourselves, other people, and the social situations we find ourselves in, which in turn helps us to succeed and grow.

I dreamed of making my fortune owning a yoga studio and opened said studio.  A fortune was not what I made. Two years later I returned to practicing law to get myself out of the debt I earned following my dream.  I later realized that I learned more from that failure than I learned in law school.  That yoga studio gave me the opportunity  to change how I was misinterpreting the events of my life. 

Mindfulness helps us to gain an understanding of how we make sense of what matters in any given situation. Our intuition is a quieter source of wisdom we can look to in order to test our preconceived notions of failure. When you are predicting failure, notice it and consider a change to your inner tune. Listen inside for the possibilities your fears may be covering. Discomfort is making room for growth, which is your birthright all the way until your very last day.