What It Means and Why It Is Essential To Be Self-Connected

It has long been known and accepted that close relationships with others is an important component of well-being.  In contrast, “knowing oneself” and the relationship we have with ourselves has only recently been the subject of research and general knowledge.

Regarding our awareness of self-connection, nowadays, self-connection is touted on social media.  We are bombarded with images of a person holding steadily to a broad grin. But what does it really mean to be self-connected, how  does one become self-connected, and how does gaining self-connection influence feelings of well-being?  

People differ in the extent to which they tend to experience self-connection.

Self-connection is defined in the psychological research and in research on connection theory in particular as consisting of three parts:

• an awareness of oneself,
• an acceptance of oneself based on this awareness,
• and an alignment of one’s behavior with this awareness.

Being self-connected means we are aware of the self, accept that self, and act in alignment with it. Authentic self- connection helps you orient your life around your soul’s deepest and most authentic truths.

The True Self in Self-Connection

Self-connection refers to the perceived true self.  The perceived true self is formed and maintained by selectively attending to, interpreting, and remembering aspects of the self over time.

For example, Marla currently feels compelled to comfort Susan, a distressed acquaintance going through a complicated divorce. Marla recalls multiple instances of feeling concerned for friends. She has memories of being the shoulder to cry on going all the way back to elementary school.  Marla’s sense of her true self might include “caring” or “being a supportive friend.”

Defining Self-Connection

As set forth above, the research defines self-connection as a subjective experience consisting of three components: an awareness of oneself, an acceptance of oneself based on this awareness, and
an alignment of one’s behaviors with this awareness. Each of these 3 components are equally important and interrelated in the way self-connection is experienced. Someone lacking in any of the three components would experience less overall self-connection.

Awareness of Oneself

The first element of self-connection is self-awareness. Self-awareness is defined as knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions.It is important that this self is determined by and meaningful to the individual.

When it comes to self-connection, what is relevant about self-awareness is people’s perceived understanding of aspects of their self-concepts.

For example, the research, of the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, describes that we tend to believe that we have an essential, internal, and private self, capable of being truly or fully known only to ourselves. This private self may be one element of the Self.

• In Therapeutic Coaching we look to 5 key elements of Self:

  Physical Self

  Mental Self

  Emotional Self

  Relational Self

  Intuitive Self

The extent to which we are connected with each of these selves is one of the areas for reflection, awareness, and processing. In therapeutic coaching we take time to assess our awareness, attention to, and connection with each of these selves.

For example, do we notice physical sensations as they occur in our bodies, do we notice patterns in our thinking, are we aware of the emotions we experience as they occur?

Acceptance of Self

The second part of the definition of self-connection is self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is defined as a complete acceptance of one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions.

Are we receptive and open to our physical, mental, emotional, relational, and intuitive selves?

Do we avoid any of these selves? 

Do we choose to deny or distance ourselves from aspects of the Self?

Acceptance of our perceived selves is an important element of self-connection. When self-relevant experiences and characteristics come into our awareness, the extent to which we allow for these experiences, such as “this feels like part of me” rather than quickly judging them as good or bad.

The focus is on our willingness to acknowledge our feelings, values, and other aspects of the self and truly accepting ourselves.

Alignment With Oneself

Self-alignment is the third key element of self-connection.

It can be defined as behaving in ways that are consistent with our internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions. It means our behavior is the result of deciding to act in ways that authentically reflect the perceived self.

Is our awareness and acceptance of our perceived self at play when we make decisions regarding our behaviors?

Developing harmony between behavior, self-awareness, and self-acceptance is critical to a lived experience of self-connection.

Self-connection supports positive well-being and promotes meaning and purpose in life as well as contributes to greater attainment of life goals. 

Self-connection also enhances various aspects of social connection and social well-being. 

Deborah Threadgill Egerton PhD writes, “The more you learn about yourself, the better the quality of your relationships.” For example, when we are self-connected we can more clearly communicate preferences and values to others and support others communicating with us.  Self-connection may also promote engaging in more meaningful social activities since our actions are in alignment with our values.

Assessing Our Levels of Self-Connection

In therapeutic coaching, we begin by taking an assessment of our level of self-connection overall as well as the levels of the individual elements of self-connection: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-alignment in each of the 5 key areas of self, physical, emotional, mental, relational, and intuitive.

Once we have an understanding of our own measures of self-connection, we discover the ways in which self-connection relates to aspects of our well-being, relationships, and health.

Self-Connection and Meaning in Life

Self-connection increases our sense of meaning in life.  Knowing about and accepting ourselves enables us to intentionally engage in actions that support our values and goals or purpose. When we act in a way that is in alignment with our values and goals, we increase our sense of meaning in life.

Greater self-connection may also be associated with fewer depression symptoms, less rumination and less defensiveness than is experienced with self-disconnection.

Promoting Self-Connection

Self-connection is an extremely useful tool for promoting positive life outcomes.

In therapeutic coaching we sample a wide variety of tools for self connection which are used alone or in combination to enhance self-awareness, self-acceptance, and/or self-alignment.

For example, we engage in mindfulness exercises to facilitate self-awareness and self-acceptance. Another powerful way we promote self-connection is through journaling, to become more aware of our internal thoughts and values. Physical activity and movement are another way we learn to promote self-connection. Mindful movement helps us tune into sensations and feelings. It also may enhance self-connection through building confidence, independence, and/or positive body image.

In therapeutic coaching, as part of increasing self-connection, we also identify potential barriers, internal and external, to self-connection and how certain practices or beliefs may help to overcome these barriers.

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