What subconscious commitments sabotage your coparenting plan?

Sometimes a story comes along that resonates on so many levels, I've got to share it.

"She": senior vice-president for an enterprise software company, who went from virtual assistant to her current position in 3 years.

"He": thriving entrepreneur who built his pool construction firm to over 7 figures.

They have 2 sons.  The oldest son is the attacking midfielder for the state’s most prestigious high school soccer club (“Soccer Son”). The youngest is a scholar who tackles math with the vigor of Christopher Langan ("Scholar Son").

(I had no idea who Christopher Langan was until I overheard 2 men chuckling in line at Starbucks and, in need of a little humor, listened in. Why were they chuckling? I didn't get it.  I did learn that Langan’s IQ is, according to these 2 chucklers, estimated to be between 195 and 210, and he has been deemed the greatest math genius alive….of course I wouldn’t know or get their humor; 1 thing I am not : math genius. I doubt I am even acquainted with a math genius. No offense if you are, unbeknownst to me, a math genius.)

Scholar Son had critical health troubles years ago when he was a toddler.

She and He gathered conflicting reports from pediatricians of whether Scholar Son was more vulnerable to covid than the general population of teen boys due to his prior health issues.

I must say, She and He were once deeply in love.

Though now, divorced, they carry a scalding loathing for each other.

I don't judge. Relationships are one of life's greatest challenges.

Do you know how long it took She and He to fall in love after the July day they met in the line for Kingda Ka at the Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJ.?

2 months. They married and had their first son 2 years later.

Do you know the number of rebuffs, debates, days in offensive gridlock it took for them to arrive at the point where they seethe at the sound of the other's voice?

I do not. I wonder what day in that conglomerate of blissful, busy, boring, combustible days was pivotal.

Can you imagine the torture of loathing someone with whom you share a love for the very same thing? (2 sons)

It feels horrible. I say so because I have been a witness. It is so torturous that neither will open an email in my family wizard without having their best friend on speaker phone.

She fears for Soccer Son's future being decimated by covid quaratines and does not want to hold him back. Soccer son plans to go to Stanford.

He fears Scholar Son is more vulnerable to covid's harsh symptoms, including the cognitive symptoms.

The thing is, He and She each love both boys infinitely.

I do not have all the answers.

How could I? Their inability to reach consensus is rooted in the conglomerate of blissful, busy, boring, combustible days that was their marriage.

This is the little I do know.

We all have subconscious commitments that we are attached to that impact our ability to work through conflict.

I have watched others uncover these subconscious commitments and determine whether they are still relevant to their lives.

I do not know if these miners of past habits and ways of thinking arrived at more blissful days or more combustible days. They tell me that they experience days colored in more clarity and peace.

Be well and have a fab week-end.

Jodi

P.S. Stay tuned for upcoming info on my Free Enlightened CoParenting Masterclass.