Emotional Maturity as a Foundation for Honesty and Intimacy

Kaileen shared,

"I am a fighter. I'm an only child. My room was always very quiet. Leaving my room, I did a lot of watching and observing. I observed my parents either arguing or ignoring. My father was consistently the parent with the power. I wanted to defuse their fiery and alternately icy cold encounters.  I wanted their conflict to stop so I did all that I could to please my parents and be the perfect daughter."

As children, we lack the power to influence our environment.

We want the bad things taking place around us to stop. We want to make things better. Kaileen's power stopped at the border of what she could draw attention to or draw attention away from.

Marvin shared that as a teenager he fought with his parents at every turn. His way of protecting himself was to fight for what he believed was right or to prove that he was right and that his parents were wrong.

Marvin's mother was emotionally manipulative a...

Practice Dying For A Life Fully Lived

The Dalai Lama says that we should gain familiarity with the process and practices of death so that when we are physically weak our mind will continue to function in a way that serves us and others. 

Lately, the whoosh of everything fleeting has haunted me, chilling my skin. I remember being 17 and knowing the exact number of days until I could leave my mother and stepfather’s home; in that forever, my life would begin. Each day until my departure moved like a giant Galapagos tortoise. All of my counting blinded me to the beauty around me.

A trite mantra rings in my mind, “Like a flower, take in and grow from both sun and rain.” The knowing that all events are grist for the mill and that nothing is permanent is not enough. One must live in a way that reflects one’s knowledge of life’s impermanence. To do so, we must cultivate patience with pain, discomfort, and loss so that each encounter becomes part of the practice of dying and a piece in the ...

Soaking up the sun on a bright January day, I can't help but feel gratitude for the gift of today.

Whenever I get caught up in the day-to-day stress of running a busy practice, I always remind myself that today is a gift.

Decades ago, when I was practicing family law and wondering if I was making a positive impact on parents and children's lives,  Our sense of self plays out in our work everyday. We teach who we are. That's why I took the risk to move from practicing law to becoming a psychologist. 

Back then, I would have given anything to work with people in the way I do as a psychologist, Our sense of self plays out in our work everyday. We teach who we are.

Just showing up can be courageous! I watch my clients learn to embrace their courage, to set intentions, and to be willing to take life enhancing risks to live their best life.

I am so grateful for the life and work I have now. 

How do you feel about your everyday life?  Courage doesn't have to look dramatic or fearle...

Looking for help breaking out of destructive communication patterns? Schedule your Therapeutic Relationship Coaching Intro Session to build a stronger connection, heal from trauma, understand yourself and your partner better, and recognize the strengths in the relationship that you can build on to make powerful change.

 Rebuilding relationships begins with

rebuilding the relationship we have with ourselves.

Exploring and gaining understanding of our internal world, the relationship we have with ourselves and the contexts in which we experience conflict can help us to expand all of our relationships. Our internal world includes the understanding of how we perceive conflict, which influences the way conflict shows up in our relationships.
 

The most overlooked yet essential ingredient for a healthy relationship is to understand your own internal experience of conflict.

We begin our exploration of our internal experience of conflict by looking at the way conflict appeared in our family system as we were growing up.

We each grew up in a unique family system. Our family system is made up of the people who played a major part in our lives growing up. For some of you, your family system may be your mother and father and you. If your parents divorced and remarried, you may have two family systems...

Therapist, "Do you feel whole?"

Patient, "Well what does that even mean, 'feel whole'? I mean I am one whole piece of person."

Let's start there.   What does it mean to embody wholeness?

In describing the process of identity formation, Erik Erikson described the goal of identity formation as the achievement of a sense of wholeness. In Erikson's theory of development, wholeness refers to having a meaningful self-concept in which past, present, and future are brought together to form a belief and understanding of one's self as an entire person.

Wholeness has been described in the research literature as the belief and understanding of one's self as an entire person, a state that is said to be necessary for maximal functioning in daily life.

In Ashley Patterson's writings on identity and race, she cites the way wholeness is described in the research literature concerning identity.

Wholeness is the ability to feel comfortable in your skin, regardless of your surroundings, because yo...

The Nine Rules of Shame

Shame typically involves being observed disapprovingly by others. Shame can hold us hostage to the unrealistic and hurtful standards of others.

Shame in a family, organization, or group involves the leaders openly criticizing another for a failure to live up to accepted norms or values.  Shame tells the one shamed that they are deserving of criticism and disapproval.

Shame is painful and terribly uncomfortable. It is a loud booming voice shouting to the world that the shamed person is inadequate, deficient, embarrassing, or unworthy. The powerful feeling of shame involves being drastically diminished, made smaller, and  lacking in dignity. Shame hits square in the face and unexpectedly.

While guilt focuses on the performance of an action, shame focuses on the self as a whole.

 Guilt refers to what I have done while shame refers to who I am.

A shame based person, family, organization, or relationship is necessarily rigid in order to self-perpetuate it's own...

You Are Worthy: Discovering Self-Worth In The Midst of Challenging Circumstances

Discovering Your Self-Worth Despite Challenging Circumstances

Are you experiencing a struggle? Does it feel like as soon as one struggle is resolved, another arises?

Do you often feel overwhelmed and frustrated ?

Do you wish your life had greater meaning? 

You can enjoy the meaningful life you deserve.

What you know but may be afraid to acknowledge:

Success is available to you despite challenging circumstances.

Your self-worth is not defined by your circumstances.

 What is holding you back?

Take some time today to question the beliefs you hold that limit your potential.

Challenging circumstances can feel like walls that are impossible to climb.

Consider a fresh perspective.

Within you is everything you need to thrive and excel.

The more you question the validity of your limiting beliefs, the more success you'll experience in your life.

Think of a circumstance in your life that...