I receive a slew of questions about personal boundaries. So, I decided to put together a few resources in the next few emails to answer the questions that I think many have but may not have the opportunity to have answered in a therapy or coaching session. 

Over the years, I have noticed that people share boundary issues in a way that suggests adopting a tough vibe. From there come the questions, “Would saying no to someone result in something terrible happening?” “Would it make someone swear me off as a friend?” “Will I be single forever?”

On an intellectual level we understand that setting boundaries reflects self-respect. To take that knowledge a step further, there is research that supports the idea that practicing setting personal boundaries builds self-esteem. The difficulty comes when it’s real life and our understanding is complicated by uncomfortable emotions.

Kristen shared,”I’ve always...

Friends! It's time for a series. Time to dive into a topic in depth and share, discuss, learn, create and more about it.  You know my zone ....psychology, relationships, divorce recovery, self-love, emotional healing, transformation.  Throw your questions and topic ideas my way. I want to use this space intentionally and meaningfully. I seek to connect with you, my amazing reader. 

What's been on your mind?

What do you remember of the dream that woke you with a start?

What's the argument you keep having with yourself?

What is the beauty you want to know more of?

What are the connections you seek? 

I am over the moon at the prospect of learning where you want to go next!

Jodi

Sometimes it feels impossible to answer the question: "If I could live my life anyway I wanted, anywhere I wanted, with whomever I wanted, and do what I wanted what will my life look like?"

Visualizing your next leap into possibility is being willing to open at least one eye toward that which is both tantalizing and scary.  

One of the hardest questions for my clients to answer is  "What do you want?"

"What do you want?"

Seems like an easy peasy question. I guess if you are at In and Out trying to decide what to have for lunch from their limited menu of single, double, double double, it might be easy peasy. Even then, there are all the secret menu items and the FOMO that comes from not ordering the Flying Dutchman with the Animal Style french fries and whether it's really worthwhile to watch calories and not order the neopolitan shake.

In my psychology office when I ask, "What do you want?" the response I receive is often a stumped stare.

Not knowing what we want from...

How do I stay strong for my kids during and after divorce?

As a psychologist who specializes in helping parents through divorce, I know deep down in my soul the extent to which watching your children experience divorce is painful and one of the most challenging areas of getting through divorce.

The thing about resilience in children is that divorce alone doesn't mean that children are going to have a difficult future or that they're not going to be emotionally unhealthy. It doesn't mean that at all. What is harmful to children is conflict between parents and feelings of stress and instability.  Those are areas we can draw our attention to and make a difference in order to support our children. The things that mean the most for our children's well-being are actually within our control. That is a good thing.

Taking steps to help our children also helps us to move forward.

Gabriella, a newly divorced mom of 4 said,  "I'll survive this, but what have I done to their...

Monday morning. I have left the first day of the week free so I can get some desperately needed work done.

Three articles to write, research on Prosopagnosia (a neurological disorder characterized by the inability to recognize faces) to do in order to understand how a client who has the disorder, as well as trauma from an abusive marriage to a pathological narcissist, may cope differently than those who do not have prosopagnosia, and over a dozen client plans for the coming week on my to do list. Yet, where is my mind?

Quick peek at a People article on how happy and smiley Jennifer Lopez looks hanging out with Ben Affleck, now that they may be reuniting 20 years after their heart wrenching break-up. She was Jenny on the block back then and now at 50 looks just as amazing. Quick google of her anti-aging regimen.  Maybe some fruit will get my head in the right place. Watered the plants on the front porch.  Feeling just a bit weary, I think I will lay down for a...

How do we release relationships that aren't serving us any longer?

We may never have consciously chosen to divorce or seperate.

We may never have believed our loss would lead to something positive.

Now that the loss occurred, our willingness to acknowledge any growth or resilience we've developed as a consequence of the break up is an important step in healing and forward life movement.

The Key to Experiencing Loss as an Opportunity is to give ourselves permission to experience the loss and heart ache as an opportunity.

It takes courage to experience loss and heart ache as an opportunity. Your brain will scream "NO! DON'T DO IT!" 

Our brain says seeing the positive in this loss is a dangerous move because our brain serves us by trying to protect us.  Yet holding on to the loss is not going to protect us from future loss.  It is actually offering the opposite of protecting us from future loss. It is making us experience the loss again and again in the present, where it...

We are also working on the premise that even though it's an extremely untapped or repressed capacity in most women, we were created subtly and energetically with unparalleled capacities for transmutation of what may be out of balance or toxic to us. This means that regardless of what we face in life, if we are empowered enough to really understand our inherent energetic capacities as women, we can ALWAYS transform a toxic experience into energy or resource that sustains and strengthens us. And I mean no matter how awful or toxic. Our capacities are unlimited.

Jumana Sophia

Placing the past in the past does not mean we should try to forget about our experiences. That kind of dissociation serves only to deny what we know to be true and causes us to lose trust in ourselves. 

When I refer to placing the past in the past, I am suggesting that we think of divorce as one part of life, but not our entire lives. It is one part of your experience. It is not who you are.

...

I believe in the power of our intentions.

The way we spend our days is the way we spend our lives.

If we wait until the end of our divorce or until everything finally settles down to be intentional, to build our life, to experience the life that we want to provide for our children, we are spending years of our life in despair. We're not going to get these years back on the other end of our days!

I'm a psychologist and former divorce lawyer.  As a divorce lawyer, I discovered that it is challenging for anybody to win in a divorce. I wasn't able to help women in a way that was sustainable. Even if you win your divorce case and your settlement is exactly what you wanted, that's not necessarily going to help you confidently move into your future. What we need for that are our inner resources.

My specialty is helping women through divorce. I am passionate about helping them to seize the opportunity that divorce provides. I myself have been divorced and I have learned so much along...

Being the Guest of Honor at a Divorce Party is not exactly an event conjured in one's fantasies from an early age.  Yet, the sentiment is certainly appreciated if you have just come through the harrowing days of divorce.

Divorce parties are becoming more and more prevalent.  I love the positive sentiment as long as it doesn't take away from the real life experience of the woman who is the guest of honor.

Divorce is not a party and it certainly isn't a soiree. (I don't know how to do the French accent on the keyboard ). I wish I could invite you all to a soiree this week but I can't and I think that's OK. Soirees and drowning our sorrows are necessary sometimes. The thing is, you don't need to find an expert with whom to soiree.

My work and my passion is to help women who are going through or who have gone through divorce create life enhancing change and long-term happiness out of the heartbreak and hell of divorce.

I want to offer women support and connection and provide...

Holidays are magical and heart warming.  However, if you have experienced trauma, that trauma may be triggered by it being either a particular holiday or holidays in general, as well as birthdays, anniversaries and other days we attach special significance to.

After a trauma, it’s normal to experience flashbacks, anxiety, and other uncomfortable symptoms. Grounding techniques help control these symptoms by turning attention away from thoughts, memories, or worries, and refocusing on the present moment.

In between practicing law and becoming a psychologist, I was blessed to have the opportunity to be a yoga teacher.  In that role, I learned some techniques that were really powerful for me. In my adult life, this was the time I needed them most. 

If today evokes past trauma or pain or anxiety for you, I hope you will give this grounding technique a try. If this doesn't work well, I have many more that I share with my patients and clients.

Know I am sending a lot...