QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT CHILDREN'S WORDS SPOKEN OUT OF ANGER

A  note I received from a mom devastated by the news that her child said he wanted to live with his dad:

I am also very concerned that my son now wants to live with his dad. He hasn’t been very nice to me .......His dad won’t talk to me and I have given up trying. That would change everything. Each day just seems to be getting worse for me. 

We discuss this hurtful situation in Module 1 of the Enlightened CoParenting Course.

Here is an excerpt from the course:

When your child throws a temper tantrum, becomes angry, and blames you for ruining their life don’t take their behavior personally.

Realize that in many instances when children blame one parent or another for the divorce occurring their blaming is a way of coping and a defense against feeling overwhelmed by the many changes they are experiencing in the course of a short period.  It is often not meant against the parent...

it comes naturally to you to be empathetic to others' emotions. You do not agree with everyone's way of looking at things or way of feeling things, but, still, and most importantly, you understand what that other human being is going though.

This is how you have come to have an individualized approach with others, to see their uniqueness and special qualities, and to treat them fairly.

Of course, you have magnetism. You are someone on this planet who, finally, knows  what the other is feeling. Your strength is based on kindness, hence, you are excellent at mitigating conflicts. 

You are forever standing back to gaze at the big picture.  That is always, quite naturally, what you do. Your special way of seeing the interconnection of all things is supremely valuable.

Why give a hoot if others are baffled by your steps. You have an unmistakable strategy for arriving at the longed for destination. You avoid the paths that are boomerangs. You provide clear direction in a...

Hey there!
I want to answer one of my most frequently asked questions:
Is it worth it for me to learn enlightened coparenting if I am coparenting with a narcissist?

Parents with pathological narcissism tend to engage in behavior that is damaging toward the other parent and children. It is not so much the loss of contact with the child that triggers them as their experience that that person should be available to them and is  not. They experience the loss of what the child provided to them.

These are the characteristics I see in these situations.

See if you recognize any of these characteristics:
Treat child as an extension of themselves, not as a unique individual with their own needs and feelings different from the parents.

Fighting over issues big and small.

Overreaction and drama to imagined slights.

When threatened with the loss of control over their own children, they look to the child to have their own ego needs for love and approval met.

Self absorbed and unresponsive to...

Just wanted to say Hi and let you know why I so wholeheartedly believe in the Enlightened CoParenting Approach. 

Self Compassion Guide

What Does It Mean to Be Self Compassionate?

Through our thoughts and our behavior we treat ourselves with the same care and kindness as we would someone we love and care for. 

Self Compassion involves listening to our needs, rather than primarily focusing on what others want us to do or what the outside world dictates.

Goal for this Self-Compassion Exercise

Become aware of how you show yourself compassion and use this as a starting point for introducing more self-compassion. 

The Physical Component

Allowing your muscles to soften, release the tension from your body.

How do you care for your body?

What are some ways in which you could release tension and stress in the physical sense, or what are some techniques that already work?

The Mental Component

Not trying to regulate your thoughts, allowing them to come and go.

How do you care for yourself mentally?

How could you allow thoughts to come and go with greater ease: less regulation,...

"One of the hardest parts of healing from past relationships, is learning to trust ourselves again."

When we subconsciously play out patterns in adult relationships that we learned from growing up in our families of origin, subconsciously hoping to heal the pain from those early days, and these adult relationships have led to heartbreak and pain - it makes us afraid to trust ourselves again.

Do you remember the last time you felt certain that you were doing what was best for you?

After a painful break-up we have an enormous opportunity to dive deeper into connection with our authentic selves  and regain trust in ourselves. 

How can we learn to trust ourselves again?

Through forgiveness and self-compassion.

Remember that every path you’ve walked, every choice you’ve made has provided you lessons that you can now use here, now, today!

The amazing fact that you notice your doubt in yourself means you are in the process of waking up to the patterns that are no...

Ideas about Marriage were passed down to us from the generations of family before us. 

Some say divorce is a sign of failure, or being a quitter, a lack of commitment and courage.  

You know that is not true. 

Divorce does not mean failure. 

 CoParenting does not mean an unhappy childhood. 

Enlightened CoParenting is a method that enables you and your children to emerge from divorce happy and whole.

Self-Esteem is one ingredient we can increase in children to contribute to their well-being.  While it is just one element it is an important one.  That is why I created this FREE resource: Promoting Positive Self-Esteem In Children After Divorce Packet and Journal. Do check it out because it includes simple strategies to start making a difference in your child's life today.

Many different things have brought you to this crossroads  

A holistic understanding of our lives over time...