Every time Bob's ex posted something on Instagram he immediately reported the posting to his buddy Jim. What did the post mean? Did Jim think Bob's ex wanted to get back together? Did she miss him or was she moving on? How did the post relate to Bob and his ex's last conversation which led to their break-up? At first, Jim felt Bob was feeling the usual pangs after a break-up but when Bob's behavior continued for more than a year, he began to wonder if his friend was obsessed with his former girl-friend. The couple had been broken up longer than they had ever been together and Bob seemed to be right where he was after the break-up the year before. 

Bob may not have an actual disorder but he may be stuck in his obsessive compulsive cycle of behaviors. Obsessive compulsive disorder involves a low tolerance for uncertainty. For some people the discomfort with uncertainty leads to ruminating, circular thinking and the feeling of an inability to release certain thoughts...

Coparenting research supports the tenet that coparenting influences the adjustment and well-being of  all members of the family both parents and children, and the parenting relationship.  

Coparenting refers to shared responsibilities in caring for a child. Approximately 50 percent of American children will see their parents' divorce or separate, and 16 percent of children live in a home with a step-parent, step-sibling, or half-sibling. Coparenting in these situations requires a great deal of cooperation, communication, and planning. It requires acting with intention and care in favor of the child's development.

CParenting involves three different systems:

• The co parent to co parent relationship, the parent to child relationship and our relationship with ourselves.

• Each of these elements are interconnected, they influence each other

Occasionally, we all feel anxious. Both positive and negative circumstances fuel anxiety. 

Betina decided to take her work to a new level. She was a personal shopper for a high end department store. She had a large group of men and women who relied on her to help them create their wardrobes and to select gifts on their behalf.  She was beginning to find her position constraining, both from where she could source her selections as well as the income she could make. If she went out on her own, she would have more room for artistic expression and business creativity but she would also have to worry of not having a steady flow of business. Betina pressed beyond her comfort zone professionally, socially, and emotionally when she decided to start her own business. Contacting her former clients involved much anxiety but she found out most wanted to continue working with her. They too were pressing beyond their comfort zones because the big department store they always...

Healthy relationships foster intimacy.  Care, validation, and understanding in relationships foster intimacy.  Intimacy in relationships fosters happiness and well-being and can shield against stress. 

Couple Therapy

When couples have increased conflict without closeness they may go to couple therapy where goals often include:

decreased labeling of one of two sides as the problem

increased flexibility in the relationship

enhanced adaptation to arising change

reduction of symptomatic behavior

enhanced tolerance of situations the couple can not change.

Individual Therapy for Trust Issues

Couples don't always have the luxury of working together. Also, the work of healing often begins with one party taking steps individually to increase their well-being. Working individually is also undertaken when one senses difficulties in one's relationships overall, including friend and other relative relationships, as well as when a relationship has already ended and the...

Most separating and divorcing parents maintain safe, healthy, and positive relationships with their children.This is also true in families where parents have never resided together. However, this is not the case for a small percentage of families. There is a risk to children when parents have polarized perspectives on parenting, particularly when polarized perspectives lead to parent-child contact problems.

Children are at greater risk when family law professionals and others echo and intensify the polarization within the family.

Children also respond in a very different ways to animosity between parents. When considering the child's behavior when assessing conflict between parents, their behavior should be considered in the context of what is normal for a child’s age, developmental stage, and the family socio-cultural-religious norms.

Very often children act out and their behavior is an expectable, adaptive reaction to stress or change.

Children should have the opportunity to...

Building your best life after divorce requires you to trust that you can handle whatever comes your way.

Amidst the list of self-doubts my clients share, there is one in particular that comes up nearly every time: Doubt About Dating. Take the first step of writing your dating profile and you will have completed what is most vexing.

Here's a step-by-step guide to help you write a dating site profile:

Step 1: Choose the right dating site
Firstly, it's important to choose the right dating site for you. There are many different types of dating sites, so make sure you choose one that caters to your interests and relationship goals.

Step 2: Create an interesting username
Once you have chosen your dating site, it's time to create your profile. The first thing you need to do is create a username that reflects your personality and interests.

Step 3: Write a catchy headline
Your headline is the first thing that people will see when they come across your profile. So, make sure it's catchy and...

Over the moon excited about your first date with that someone who has sparked your keen interest? Ahhhh....you are held up by what on earth to talk  about! 

No worries.

Here are10 date conversation ideas to get to know a person better.  You and your date will find the evening interesting!

1. Childhood memories: Discuss your favorite childhood memories and what you enjoyed doing as a child. This can lead to a deeper understanding of each other's upbringing and values.

2. Travel experiences: Share stories about your favorite travel experiences and the cultures you encountered. This can reveal each other's interests, sense of adventure, and cultural sensitivities.

3. Personal goals: Discuss your personal goals and aspirations, both short-term and long-term. This can give insight into each other's ambitions and priorities.

4. Hobbies and interests: Talk about your hobbies and interests and how they came about. This can help you discover shared interests or learn something...

You have been wrestling with your decision to stay or not to stay for months. You have done every thing you can to arrive at a decision that you are certain you will not one day regret. You know in your heart that you are worthy of love and kindness and are determined to act with self compassion as well as compassion for your partner. Self understanding has resulted in your realization that if you stayed with your partner you would be forced to give up living a fulfilling authentic life. Determining you will pursue a divorce felt challenging but now you must face telling your partner you want a divorce and once again your feel stuck.

Here's a step-by-step guide to telling your spouse you want a divorce that may help:

1. Reflect on your decision: Before you speak with your partner, take some time to reflect on your decision to pursue a divorce. Consider why you have made this decision and what you hope to achieve by ending the marriage.

2. Plan what you want to say: Take some...

Some of us believe that the less we ask for, the better. When we worry that we are a burden or are too needy, it is difficult for us to depend on others for help.  Young children need to see their parent as being good in order to feel safe in their care. When the parent is not responsive to the child’s needs, the child  assumes that it is their fault so that they can continue to feel the safety that comes from believing the parent is a good and trustworthy parent. Feelings of being a burden can lead to us as adults avoiding accepting the offerings of others.

If our parents and caregivers failed to acknowledge us and our needs when we were children, we may have developed the need to be self-sufficient and learned to ignore our own needs in order to avoid the shame we felt as a child from not having our needs met. We may come to believe that having needs is a sign of being "too much." The feeling of needing help or support can create anxiety for someone who learned...

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You are hard-wired to be self-connected.  You need only open the inner door to access to the creative part of you. Self-connection is a game changer. To find out more about how I can help you make this essential connection, read more here.

Give yourself

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